Posts Tagged Adult Personals
Get Your Zodiac on for Spring
Spring is the cyclical rebirth of nature and your astrological sign will determine whether your own rebirth this spring involves hot new sexual adventures or another underwhelming dry spell. According to Zodiac Mythology. Well, my version anyway. I’m just trying to prepare you for the inevitable, so here’s what you can expect:
Aries
This spring, Venus is going to drive you nuts and literally try to kill you. Possibly with a golf club. Remember, it’s a time for rebirth. Get rid of that excess baggage that’s been dragging you down and get some strange. If you don’t, you’re looking a very long and arduous Spring. Expect to be dead by Summer.
Taurus
For God sake, get a new wardrobe. How long have you had that pair of Wrangler jeans? 3, 4 years? Stop being so practical and get your ass to the mall. You want to get laid this Spring, you’re going to have to brand up. Don’t argue with me, I’m a Taurus too. Which is why I’m predicting this sign will get laid over and over this Spring.
Gemini
Spring awakens in you a slow desire for romance… Squelch that desire immediately. WTF are you thinking? Why do you think your relationships suck so badly? You’re a bi-polar, mental, game-playing, financially irresponsible freak of nature. But you’re really fun in the sack, so use that to your advantage and fuck the romance.
Cancer
Fuck Cancer.
Leo
You might just be too vain, pretentious and melodramatic to get laid this Spring. This only works if you’re actually famous. If not, you’re just a Douche. But if you pretend you just got on a new reality show because you’re just that douchey, you may get a lot of pre-celeb status sex out of it. Give it a shot; what do you have to lose?
Virgo
Don’t be so fucking fussy. And don’t be picky. Go ugly early. It’s you’re only hope.
Scorpio
You’re too shy to get laid. Find a hooker.
Sagittarius
I recommend speed dating for you. With your independence and lack of emotion, you could really clean up. Don’t listen to the people who say that you have a problem because you can’t commit. I mean, you do have a problem, but it’s not going to change, so don’t fight it. Explore new ethnicities if you haven’t already. Some races are just born to be freaky in bed. Go get ‘em Magellen.
Capricorn
I was in a relationship with a Capricorn once. Let’s call her, “Hitler”. Dictatorial yet extremely inhibited. She used to inspire thoughts of suicide and mayhem in me; I also wanted to murder her–and I could have–one snap of that tiny little neck of hers… But where to put the body…? I digress. Capricorn, you’re shit out of luck.
Aquarius
Stop being a humanitarian for just one Spring. It ain’t gonna kill you and you’ll get laid a lot more. Trust me, the planet and people will still be when you come back to it. You’re witty and clever, but there’s nothing worse than a sarcastic do-gooder. Drop the goodwill and just be an ass. It’ll work for you. Trust me on this.
Pisces
You’re a couple of fish; oversensitive and self-pitying. I got nothin’.
5 Effective Phrases to Use in Your Adult Personal Ads
Posted by Jason X in Dating, Featured article, Latest, Mobile dating, PhoneShag on March 8, 2010
Online adult dating has now become one of the primary methods of hooking up. And one of the critical components of online dating success is having an effective personal ad that will
draw people in to make that connection. Below are some sample phrases that will help make your personal ads stand out so that you get more attention and ultimately, more hook-ups. Sure, there are phrases like “No strings attached” and “Feel free to ask me anything” that people tout as being effective because of upfront honesty and bluntness, but they certainly won’t make you stand out.
1. Will trade sex for beer
This immediately lets people know that you’re a whore, regardless of gender. Some people only fuck after they’ve had a few beers. But not you. You’ll fuck to get beer, then fuck again after you’ve tossed back a few. And you’re not exactly prostituting yourself, because you’re not exchanging sex for money, only beer. I’m no lawyer, but if I were, I’d advise you that no law has been broken under these circumstances.
The reason this is such an effective phrase is because nobody really wants to work that hard to get laid. Beer = sex. That’s a pretty straight forward calculation. You’ll be amazed by the attention you get from this simple but powerful phrase.
2. Low self-esteem
This works best for women. Men are always looking for women with low self-esteem because sex tends to promote self worth in that kind of woman, as perverse as that sounds, so it’s easier to get them into bed. You may even want to throw in bi-polar, manic depressive, and/or suicidal. Whether true or myth, psychotic women are the best in bed. You can say you’re great in bed all you want, but there’s no better way to convince a guy of it than making him believe you’re a psychotic bitch. Guys are drawn to psychotic bitches like bugs to a black light because even though they know they’re walking into a death trap, they know it’s going to be absolutely electrifying.
3. Into head games
Anyone who goes out of their way to say that they’re not into head games is probably into head games. So if you go out of your way to say that you are into head games, you’re probably not. Would a serial killer say he was into murder? Reverse psychology. Confuse people, draw them in, then hook them. Someone may ask, What kind of head games are you into? That’s a perfect time to fuck with that person’s head just to prove the point that you’re not really into head games. The more you fuck with people’s heads, the more they’ll realize you’re just fucking with them about being into head games. Either that, or you’ll get some real head cases trying to go out with you. Regardless, you’ll get laid.
4. I have a talking hot dog
I’m not exactly sure what this even means, but it’s going to get you attention, especially for the guys. I guarantee women are going to want to see your talking hot dog as soon as they hear you have one. In the end, your hot dog isn’t going to say jack shit. But it’s a pretty damn effective way of promoting your beef.
5. The only problem I have with gambling is that I can’t gamble enough
This statement lets everyone know that you’re a risk taker. You like living on the edge. So much so, you might have loan sharks hunting your ass down to break a leg or two. The point is, the phrase conveys the fact that you live an exciting lifestyle without having to say it. You want people to know you have vices, just nothing too detrimental. Well, unless those loan sharks catch up to you. But that’s the thrill of dating you. Danger. Excitement. Intrigue. Sure, maybe you’re in more debt than the average person, but you’re not boring. And it’s a much better vice than say, heroin for example. See how good you look now?
These are just a few examples of some effective phrases that will get you the attention you deserve in the world of online dating. Being bold doesn’t translate to being a douche. Telling people you’re “Cocky” or a “Bad boy” or “I’m amazing” just doesn’t get you anywhere in today’s online dating market. Be creative. Lead them to the conclusion you want them to arrive at, but don’t smother them with it.
Sexting Etiquette
Posted by Jason X in Dating, Erotica, Featured article, Latest, Mobile dating, PhoneShag, Seduction on February 16, 2010
The telephone was an incredible invention. But once we got over how revolutionary it was, we also realized what an
incredible annoyance it was. Because it forced us to communicate with friends and family whether we wanted to or not. Which is why text messaging has literally become our telecommunications savior.
We can ask or answer a question without being forced into an entire conversation. We can have quick, to-the-point conversations, and even multiple conversations with multiple people at once.
And now Phone sex also has its abbreviated and more convenient version delivered in the form of “sexting”.
“Sexting Etiquette” is sort of an oxymoron, but there are some do’s and don’ts to consider. Below is my list:
Do:
Sext drunk - People always say, don’t text drunk. But then TFLN would be lame. Besides, this is sexting. That’s like saying, don’t get drunk and have sex. That’s how we lose inhibitions and hook it up. We come up with our best material when we’re drunk off our asses.
Spell out dirty words – Spell out “cock” and “pussy”. It just doesn’t have the same effect abbreviated. Once I’ve 810 ur puC Im gonna 5FS d@ shit. No, not sexy and sometimes you spend more time trying to decipher the sext than actually getting off on it. And for the love of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, lose the ” * ” in the dirty words. This isn’t Twitter. It’s your own private phone. If you type ” I want to f*ck you”, you might as well type, “I want to make love to you” which is something they say on The 700 Club. If you’re going to be dirty, be fucking dirty.
Be cautious – And consider what you have to lose if your sexting gets out. Remember Tiger? This shit has a way of making itself public. We don’t all have as much to lose as Tiger, but it’s still something to think about. I could tell you to wait until you trust the person, but you really can’t trust anyone. And sexting strangers is half the fun. Just be aware of what you’re doing and the risks associated with it. For example, ladies: no matter how much a man promises, your dirty pic will be sent to at least a half dozen dudes.
Don’t:
Sext Drunk – Yeah, I know I also put it on my “Do” list. It’s one of those things that can be both good and bad. For example, have you ever been drunk, started sexting one person and finished up sexting someone completely different? Hey, sometimes that works. Most times, the second person knows you fucked up. I’m just saying, the drunker you are, the more risk you run.
Be creepy – Make sure texting has mutually transitioned to sexting. Guys often fuck up this transition and jump the gun too early. If you tell her she’s cute and she likes it, that doesn’t mean she’s ready to hear how badly you want to throat fuck her. Even when you do successfully transition to dirty talk, that doesn’t mean she wants a cock pic. Sexting is sexy, but a cock pic can be a buzz kill for a lot of women. She’ll ask for one if she wants one.
Sext and drive – Even worse if you’re driving naked. Texting while driving is illegal in California; sexting is probably a felony. And it really sucks to crash your car with a boner or sopping wet panties.
Use retarted acronyms and smiley faces – You know, OMG or LOL. This is sex, not junior high. So if you have to use acronyms, use something dirty like SMG (Stick My Gash) or LML (Lick My Lollipop). And no smileys like : ) or ; ). If not a pic ladies, at least show us your tits with a (.)(.). If you’re not ready for a real cock pic, we’ll show you C==8 or 8==D~~
Sexting is great when you move past initial flirting because it helps solidify, for both of you, where this is all headed. I’ll tell you right now though, it’s not something you can sustain more than a couple of times without getting to the good stuff. Remember, sexting is just foreplay. Get to the main event soon after or you’ll lose the opportunity.
Dishonesty is the Best Policy
You’re going out with someone for the first time and you want to make a really good impression, so what do you do? There are things you want to do, things you could do, but what should you do?
Lie like a motherfucker.
Most dating and relationship sites will tell you to be honest and upfront on your first date. But this blog isn’t about developing strong, long-lasting relationships. It’s about getting laid. So fuck their advice and listen to me…
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be yourself on a date. I’m saying that you should be yourself pretending to be someone else on a date. That way, you’re being honest about being yourself without actually being yourself. Is this making any sense?
I’m advocating dishonesty for a few reasons.
Your personal life is uninteresting
We all think we have great stories, but we don’t. Unless it’s a story your friends always make you repeat to newcomers, it may just be a story that you like repeating that your friends are all tired of hearing–and that your date will quickly become tired of hearing. Think about the stories you love to hear, not the ones you love to tell. Steal from your friends. You know how people really react to those stories, including your own reaction. Spice up the conversation with other people’s experience.
Your professional life is uninteresting
I work in technology and just managed an international system rollout to 20 countries. To me, that sounds pretty impressive. But I tell a woman and her eyes glaze over quicker than beer turns to piss. It’s the side things that I don’t really do that spark attention. Like the independent film I just got financed which starts shooting in March. Or getting that stunt cock gig with Vivid entertainment. The stuff that will ultimately get me out of this boring technology career. The stuff that gets them wet, not sleepy.
What they want to hear may not be what you have to say
He/she works with Adopt a Kitty Foundation and you hunt Feral cats for sport. He/she had an uncle die of lung cancer caused by second hand smoke and you suck down a pack a day. He/she loves kids and you’d like to end humanity by enforcing mandatory birth control for every living, breathing human being on this planet. Some opinions are better left unsaid or altered when your goal is to get laid.
Lying is fun
You may find yourself stuck with someone who isn’t interesting but you’d still fuck. So to keep things interesting, lying can be a great form of entertainment for yourself. You’ve just got to get through a few drinks and hit that shit. Keep yourself motivated. Lie your ass off for the fun of it.
Yeah, I know that Dr. Phil and Oprah and your mother all told you that honesty is the best policy, but for whom? Not for you. For the person you’re being honest with. If you’re not looking for commitment, then who cares? Do what’s best for you. If it develops into a relationship, at that point you can come clean and both have a good laugh. If he/she doesn’t think it’s funny, then you’re committing to the wrong person anyway.
Give it a try. And let me know how it goes.
Wear Your Avatar Out, Have Sex in 3D
2D porn is good, but getting laid in 3D is the best. It just requires a lot more than a good grip and some lube.
First, if you want to increase opportunity, then stop going to the same places. Second, looking and acting like the locals will get you laid. It worked for Jake Sully, didn’t it?
Like in the movie Avatar, if you go to planet Polyphemus, you go out with your Na’vi body because he blends in with and relates to the natives–and let’s face it, he’s a lot stronger, more agile, and definitely much bigger than you are.
If you wear Ed Hardy to a sports bar, a lounge, and a blues club, at which place are you most likely to score…? The sports bar. And that’s only if it’s a Jersey Shore douchebag sports bar. No offense to Ed Hardy donners, but the brand is quickly becoming the new mullet. Just an FYI.
Certainly there’s something to be said for standing out in a crowd, but in this case, I’m talking about the odds. Increase your odds by blending with the natives, then let your game make you stand out.
Here are some different places to go and the avatars you should consider wearing if you go into one:
Martini Bar
Somewhat upscale so leave the t-shirt and crocs at home. They speak gibberish here. More blah blah blah than yada yada yada, but regardless, even though you can’t understand it, you can easily imitate it. If you’re a woman, order the martini with the most impressive name you can find on the menu and act all giddy when you do. Something like the WickedWahini or the Bust my Effen Cherry. If you’re a guy, stick with a dirty martini. Even though that Very Berri Sherri Martini looks fun and tasty, you’re there to get laid, not to show off your feminine side.
Irish Pub
Jeans, t-shirts, sports jerseys, and sneakers in an Irish pub. Men, do not put product in your hair. No underarm deodorant either. You want to look and smell like you just finished a game of rugby. Women, make sure you’re wearing jeans also. No legs in this place. Just tits. Got cleavage? Show it. If not, at least make sure your nipples are poking out. This is a place to drink beer and laugh very loudly at whatever anyone says.
Night Club
Guys: unlike the Irish Pub, this is the place to glob on the hair gel. The smell of your cologne should be competing with the smell of your aftershave, deodorant and residual facial moisturizer. Wear jeans or slacks, but make sure you’re wearing a long sleeve button-down shirt. Unbutton the first couple, let those gold chains breathe a little. Ladies, just dress like a prostitute and you’ll blend perfectly. Order mixed drinks, like vodka/cran or vodka/tonic. Don’t worry about the local language, it’s too hard to hear anything with the music blaring. Just nod a lot and respond with whatever you want because they can’t hear you either.
Wine Bar
I don’t think people go to these places to hook up. But if you’re a guy looking for a cougar or a woman looking for a sugar daddy, this might be the spot for you. Dress collegiate. It’s okay if you don’t know much about wine, people love to educate the novice. Bring an apple for teacher.
You get the idea. Explore new worlds. Learn the language, master the look and increase your opportunity to have the 3D experience everyone is raving about.
Go Ugly Early
This one is for the guys.
Before anyone gets their panties in a wad, there are no ugly people. There are just people you’re not attracted to. Everyone has their own taste. You know, like at work when you find out someone you think belongs in a circus act is actually married. Someone found that person attractive. Or your buddy likes them thick and you like them anorexic. It’s a matter of personal taste. 
So when do you compromise your standards?
You’re in a bar, you’re there to get laid, and there’s only one women in the whole place who meets your qualifications. Unfortunately, that woman meets everyone’s qualifications and she’s surrounded by a throng of men, none of whom will go home with her that night. And neither will you, because you can’t even breech the wall of sausage that surrounds her.
But you’re really horny and it’s a fuck or fight night, so what do you do?
Go ugly early.
You could just drink more, wait around and see if talent improves. Then at the end of the night when nothing has changed and you’re drunk, you could start some shit with some guy who accidentally bumped into you, get your face smashed in and go to jail. Or you could just call it a night, go home and whack it. Or… You could accept the inevitable from the get-go, compromise your standards and go for the homely girl at the bar who isn’t getting any attention from other guys.
Here, have another drink.
I mean, she has a nice ass. Glasses aren’t so bad, in a sexy librarian sort of way. She may just be the next best thing in the bar, and when time grows short at the end of the night, the failed sausage around the hot one might start congregating around her.
Go ugly early.
This is different than hooking it up with beer goggles. You already know what you’re getting into because you haven’t had that much to drink yet. But like beer googles, the more you drink and talk to her, the less you think you’re compromising your standards.
So once you do hook it up, make sure you have a good exit strategy. But don’t be a cliche. Like you’ve got to work early (on a Sunday, no less) or you’ve got to get home to feed your Shih Tzu. At least have the decency of telling her a creative lie. I mean, she did you a favor, right?
Try one of these instead:
- You’re a photographer and you have to catch some shots of pansies and johnny-jump-ups which bloom brightest early morning. This will be your last chance because Horticulture Quarterly goes to press on Monday.
- You’re jumping on a plane to fly to Nicaragua to help PETA build a damn for beavers who shouldn’t be expected to do all the work.
- You promised Spencer and Heidi you’d go to church with them to hear the special sermon on how to be a celebrity, but still love God more than your celebrity.
Sometimes you just have to go ugly early. Take a look around, evaluate your options and make a decision. Don’t put off the inevitable. Nothing worse than trying to go ugly late and failing.
Dinner and Bondage at 8:00?
Posted by Jason X in Dating, Featured article, Latest, Mobile dating, PhoneShag on January 14, 2010
Maybe it’s time to branch out…
Online adult dating leads to all kinds of new adventures, including BDSM, which stands for Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadomasochism (SM). I’m not saying, get into it; I’m saying, have a little fun with it if you happen to run into it. This article is really for those who don’t know much about it but are at least a
little curious.
Not that I’m going to educate you on BDSM; I’m just going to tell you how to dabble. I’m assuming the terms above are understood by most.
So how do you date someone who’s into this fetish? You can easily find people with this fetish on PhoneShag. But right up front, determine who you’re dealing with–the dominant or submissive.
If you tend to be dominant, enslaving a submissive might be kind of fun. But if you’re dealing with a dominant/sadist, you might be letting them bite off more than you want them to chew.
I don’t let women tie me up, mainly because I never know who’s pissed off at me at any given time. The day I let a woman tie me to the coffee table might just be the day she found out I fucked her sister. Once you’re securely restrained, you’ve entered the Bobbitt Zone. Yeah, I shy away from restraints.
But if you’re cool with it, give it a shot.
But I suggest you start lite. Go to dinner first and practice over a meal. If they’re submissive, ask them what kind of food they despise, then order it for them. Make them clean their plate. Then ask yourself, Did I enjoy that? If you got a chubby or a little wet, maybe it’s time to throw your date into the trunk of your car and take him/her home for some real discipline.
If you have dinner with a sadist, ask them to dominate the meal. So for example, they might not let you order any food and force you to watch them eat while you and your stomach both growl loudly at the bitch. Feeling some anger? You think lack of food is bad, imagine being denied an orgasm. But if that makes it all the more tantalizing for you, then go whole nine.
My point is, ease into it. Test the waters first.
If you move forward with it, there are some terms you should know:
Safe Word/Phrase: a word or phrase the Submissive says when the painful pleasure becomes just plain pain and the Sub wants the Dom to stop. Words/phrases like, “Gratitude” or “Shag carpet” or “That fucking hurts like hell”. I’d use something like “Don’t stop” just to be ironic. Of course, I’m sure I wouldn’t get the last laugh.
Black Snake: Ladies: if you likes black guys and you find one who’s into BDSM and he says that’s he’s pulling out the “Black Snake”, it ain’t what you think it is. It’s a type of single-lash whip that is flexible all the way to the knob.
Boundaries: Refers to limits. Make sure you negotiate this prior to BDSM play, otherwise you might become the Hannibal Lecter plate.
Chudwa: You will most likely be called this. It means Clueless, Horny, Dominant Wannabe. It’s like being called a dipshit. Don’t be offended; just beat the living shit out of the Sub. Don’t worry, they’ll enjoy it.
CBT: Guys: If someone asks you if you want a little CBT, it’s time to get the fuck out. This doesn’t mean “Computer Based Training” for you nerds out there. It means Cock and Ball Torture. Yeah, I didn’t think you were interested.
Tampon Training: Rectal insertion of tampons by male submissives to empathize with the female menstrual cycle. This is probably preceded with anal fisting, just to ensure there’s sufficient blood flow–you know, so that you can really empathize.
Vampire Glove: Guys: pass on the handjob if she pulls these gloves out. They’re thin leather driving gloves that have sharp, metal tines or tacks lining the palms. Enough said.
Even more BDSM terms HERE. Impress your date with how much you know about their fetish. Like anyone else you’re trying to get into the sack, feign extreme interest, otherwise you might not score. They take their fetish seriously, and so must you (or at least pretend to).
It’s a new year, so branch out and try new things. There’s a whole world of BDSM waiting for you. Just know, when you get your ass in a sling, you’re supposed to like it.
New Year’s Resolutions: Fuck ‘em
Posted by Jason X in Dating, Featured article, Latest, PhoneShag on January 8, 2010
Who started this New Year’s resolution bullshit, anyway? First of all, I take pride in my vices. If I get rid of them, I become someone else, and I actually like who I am now. Granted, it’s not all about vices, but that tends to be a big part of it. Vices keep life interesting, which is why we want to hold onto them. But if you really want to throw a vice out, then just do it. Don’t write it down, don’t tell your friends and neighbors, just find some other vice to take it’s place. 
Here are a few of the top resolutions and why they’re so ridiculous:
1. Lose Weight
Come on, what’s the real resolution here? It’s to get laid. And to get laid more often you need to look good. So let’s call a spade a spade and focus on what really matters. Sex is a great incentive for anything. You want more? Get off your ass and get to the gym. I wouldn’t wait until the new year to come to this realization.
2. Quit Smoking
What the hell am I going to do while I drink? Chew gum? Get real. Nobody lives forever.
3. Quit Drinking
Are you fucking crazy? What am I going to do, ask women to have a cup of coffee with me? No chance. We’re getting drunk and we’re gonna make some very bad mutual decisions. And what the hell am I going to do while I smoke?
4. Get Out of Debt
I’ve got bills to pay and a drinking and smoking habit to support. Debt allows me to live beyond my means. Remember, nobody lives forever and you can’t take it with you. So why the concern?
5. Get a New Hobby
Like what? Bird watching? Bowling? My vices are my hobbies. Hmmm. Maybe I should get a new vice…
6. Volunteer to Help Others
Uh, as in charity? The only charity I’m interested in is the Charity who strips at Spearmint Rhino every weekend. Okay, so I have helped people from time to time, but it’s usually because I got roped into it somehow, not because I felt a burning desire to help. If you feel that burning desire, then by all means, help Angelina out. I’m sure she could use the help now that Brad opted out.
7. Get More Organized
If you weren’t born anal retentive, you’ll never be. Don’t fight it. I enjoy being a slob.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
The bottom line is, do what makes you feel good. Don’t fall into the New Year’s Resolution trap, or you’ll just make unrealistic resolutions that you’ll break in 2 months anyway. If you must, then make resolutions you can keep. And resolutions that won’t have an adverse impact if you don’t. For example, if I were forced to make resolutions, this would be my list:
1. Get More Blowjobs
If you’re a man, that should inherently be a goal of yours anyway. And how do you define “more”? I’m already getting blowjobs, so now I’m just trying to maximize the number. You really can’t lose.
2. Nail a Religious Fanatic
You know, someone like Heidi Montag. If I don’t nail a religious fanatic, no real loss. If I do, it would be funny as fuck.
3. Eat More Burgers at The Counter
No, I don’t want to get fat, but that shit is good. And it would make PETA feel better that less burger is going to waste.
4. Vegas, “The Hangover” Style
Drink until I black out. Then whatever happens, happens. If I wake up with a hangover in jail, I can always volunteer for stun gun demonstrations and walk scot-free. And actually, I don’t even need to go to Vegas to achieve this one. Even easier.
You get the idea. Well, I’m going to go work on my New Year’s Resolutions now. Wish me luck. And good luck with yours…
6 Things that Make a Woman Great in Bed
Let’s be honest. When it comes to sex, men do most of the heavy lifting. I’m not talking about foreplay or seduction. I’m talking about actual intercourse. We have the tool of the trade to make or break the experience for both people. Sex can still be good if the woman just lies there. Because men are visual, seeing your tits bounce around while we pound you or flipping you over, grabbing your ass and giving you the old jackhammer keeps us dirty horny throughout the act and makes it all good. But if a guy just lies there, it ain’t gonna be good for
anyone.
So if sex can still be good if the woman just lets it happen to her, what actually makes a woman great in bed?
1. Taking the drivers seat
While the guy is the pilot, we appreciate a good co-pilot taking the controls once in a while. Women typically take the drivers seat by jumping on top and giving the stick a good grind. But don’t forget to mix it up. Give us some reverse cowgirl too and show us that ass. Think visual. If you’re flexible, throw your legs over our shoulders when you’re on your back or spread those thighs wide. The more we see, the more we like. Seduce us while we fuck you.
2. Fucking like a stripper dances
Let me give you a tip about pole dancing. Don’t take a pole dancing class so that you can dance for your man. Does it turn us on? Yes, when a stripper does it. Because we can’t fuck the stripper. But we can fuck you. So instead of dancing, incorporate what you learn about the way a stripper moves on stage in the sack. Go to a strip club and watch how the strippers give a lap dance. That’s how we want you to fuck us. So when you take the drivers seat, let’s see those stripper moves–like a slow wavy grind and your ass slithering like a snake.
3. Fucking like a porn star acts
I’m not talking ass to mouth or other crazy porn star sexual stunts; I’m talking about the porn star attitude. One of the reasons men love watching porn is because the porn stars seem to love everything sexual. They’ve got no sexual hang-ups or restrictions. They’re not sucking that dick as a duty because their boyfriend likes it; they’re sucking that dick because it makes them dripping wet. And it’s not gross to swallow cum. When they swallow, it’s like swallowing sugary sweet caramel topping. In fact, that dick didn’t give them enough; they always seem to want more.
Yes, it’s acting. So act, goddamn it. You’re not into facials? Get into it. There’s a reason almost every porn scene ends with one; it turns guys on. Fuck what your grandmother told you about facials; there’s nothing degrading about something sexual–and a facial is fucking sexual. And don’t worry, you’ll get yours when you take the drivers seat and use our face like a old dishrag for your pussy. Would I feel degraded? Nope. I’d just be even more turned on.
4. Being vocal
Guys are visual, but we’re also into sex sounds. It’s not like you have to talk dirty the whole time, but a “Give it to me hard!” or a “Fuck me!” would be nice once in a while. An even better score would be a “Fuck me daddy!” or an “Ay Papi!” now and again. Just sayin’.
It doesn’t even have to be words. Sounds are a good indication that we’re doing our job. Don’t fake it, just express yourself. If it feels good, don’t keep it to yourself. We like to know when we’re turning you on, even those little moments that feel really good. Grunt, groan, or whatever sound you can make to pass along the good news.
5. Being physical
Grab, scratch and bite. I’m not talking about leaving marks. Not everyone is into the associated pain. I’m talking about putting your hands and mouth all over the guy while he’s doing that heavy lifting. Use your teeth and nails, but don’t break skin. Again, it’s all about letting us know we’re doing our job–and even if we’re slacking off, this might be just the thing to motivate us to perform better. The more we think you enjoy it, the more we want to please.
6. Not being self-conscious
If you’ve put on a few extra pounds or have a zit in the middle of your forehead, don’t be self-conscious about it during sex. Believe it or not, the less self-conscious you are about your imperfections during sex, the less we notice them and the more turned on we are. The last thing we want to worry about doing during sex is to be reassuring. We want to fuck. So fuck us back and forget about the rest. Confidence in bed brings big points. After sex you can ask if your ass looks big in those jeans. We still don’t want to be reassuring, but at least it won’t impact your sex score.
So if you women want to score more points in bed and aren’t doing it already, incorporate these 6 suggestions and I’ll bet you move from “good” to “great” in the sack in no time.
PhoneShag Nominated for Dating Program of the Year
Posted by Jason X in Dating, Featured article, Latest, Mobile dating, PhoneShag on December 22, 2009
The final nominees for the 2010 XBIZ Awards, the adult entertainment industry’s biggest business awards show, have been announced and PhoneShag has been nominated for “Dating Program of the Year”.
There’s something about the adult entertainment industry that makes me smile. Is it the tits? The ass? The hot animal sex? (Meaning “wild”, not actual bestiality)… No, not really. I actually watch porn for the articles, so maybe it’s just the quality writing that brings a smile to my face. All that other stuff just gives me a boner.
As indicated in the xbiz.com article, “The XBIZ Awards are a symbol of excellence dedicated to honoring the most influential companies and performers who play an essential role in the growth and popularity of adult entertainment around the globe.”
In addition, “XBIZ received a record 2,365 preliminary nomination submissions from the adult entertainment community, with the official nominee list encompassing the Web & Tech, Movies & Production and Novelty & Retail awards categories to be presented at the show.”
The competition was intense and certainly demonstrates PhoneShag’s popularity and influence within the mobile/online adult dating space.
If the adult entertainment community takes notice of your site, there has to be a lot of people getting laid by using that site. PhoneShag is here to be used and abused for that very reason. And it doesn’t disappoint.
The best part is that it’s free.
Congratulations PhoneShag, for being one of the best…
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